The hairline fracture of Javy Baez has already had numerous impacts on the Cubs. On the negative side, the Cubs now must rely on a young Shortstop named Addison Russell. Russell’s presence on the team is less about talent, and more about being an all-around good guy that gives the Cubs a positive image. What other reason could there be for paying a guy with a negative WAR to play for your team?
Worse still, there are rumors that Russell may miss time this September on 4 different occasions to see various births of his children. The Cardinal Sin congratulates this extreme family man.
On the positive side for the Cubs, they were looking for an excuse as to why their team will underperform and now they have one. Following 2017s “they were just so tired from playing all the way to November!” and 2018s “wahhh we have too many games to play because it only rains when Cubs play!” 2019s new “We’re the best, but unlike other teams, our players get hurt!” should give fans great comfort during what looks to be a very long offseason.
But more than just the Cubs are impacted by the Baez injury. Doctors have become concerned about how far Bob Nightengale’s sperm count has already dropped. Disney stock took a 3 point tumble on Friday after ESPN announced that Sunday baseball games would be less focused on Baez and the Cubs, and more focused on the actual, boring baseball game being played.
What’s worse, is we now see it’s going to be impacting jobs. MLB announced that they will be cutting Social Media roles for both their “MLB” and “Cut 4” accounts citing the fact that their workload has dropped by 43% due to a lack of Baez highlights to showcase. Rob Manfred, who has kept a bedside vigil since the injury – unusual because Baez isn’t hospitalized – noted the moves were necessary because between posts focused on Baez, and others on the Cubs in general, that 71% of all social media posts have Baez tagged in them. “Of course,” he noted with tears in his eyes, “Nobody tags like Javy Baez.”
-CC-
The Cardinal Sin
Devil Magic Satire
Comments